*~*My PuDdIn PoP*~*

Who ever says that when you get a divorce that you cant still be friends with the family??? after all the years that i have been with my ex i have grown increadably close with one of his cousins wifes she is pretty much the best friend that i have had in a really long time. It seems like we cant go a day with out talking, I called her as soon as i knew that this was for sure going to be done. I cryed like a baby and didnt hold anything back, I Wanted her to know that yes i was hurting inside but i was also making it clear that i was going to be okay and the only thing that i wanted to make sure of was that we where still going to be friends, she told me that i wasnt divorcing our friendship, and yes that we will still be friends. Thats all i needed to know!!!!!!!

*The Best Friend I Ever Knew*

You know when your starting a new school and you think oh am i gunna make any new friends? well thats exactly how i felt the first day of the 4th grade when i moved to Lennox. Me and my older brother had spent the whole summer there with really no friends because we just moved there. So when school started we where very nervous yet very excited.

I remember the day like it was yesterday, they did what they always do and tell you to say hey and where you moved from, Did that whatever, Recess came. Everyone was really friendly in ways others where not so much. I do remember this one girl....She was wearing Hott Pink Spandex pants and a black shirt with a side ponytail. lol...I know right i am laughing just sitting here thinkin about it. She was so nice to me. She talked to me like i was a noraml person and not the new kid. We instantly became friends. And i knew that from that day one she would be my best friend.

We did everything together. Played barbies...she stole my barbie clothes because that is what she would do when i had the cooler clothes. we would fight, make up. our parents would take us places all the time. I mean we where always together. We would have slumber parties and just hang out. This was still yet in the 4th and 5th grade.

6th grade came and we started to kinda hang out with differant ppl although we were still very good friends. there wasnt a weekend that went by that we where not together. We thought that we where super cool going to the skating rink every saturday night and sunday. and i mean we did that for like 8 striaght months. It was what we liked to do. it was fun for us. being friends wasnt such hard work. it was easy then.

After that we started having more and more of differant friends and we would seem to fight more. After a while we kinda drifted apart but not for long. When the 8th grade came we where back being the best friends that we could be. She had a tramatic series of things happen to her so she decided to come live with us. she stayed there most of the time and yes most of the time we would fight and yell and get into trouble but hey really what 13 year old did when they saw to much of there best friend. It was a hard time for her and i needed to be there with her. So i just kept truckin! I wasnt going to let anything happen to her.

Freshman year came. It is one that i will NEVER forget. We where the babys and we had older brothers that were seniors. So yes we kinda had a advantage of things. Our older brothers were very good friends too. They would see us walking down the hall and they would yell rude things out to make us laugh and make others laugh at us. They where typical seniors and worse we where related to them. We went to our first high school halloween dance. We meet a guy there that soon enough became a huge part of our lives. We didnt know it then but he changed the way we felt and looked at things. he was a very goodlooking guy too!

While all this was going on she meet a guy online one night. They have been best friends and deeply in love since. He even moved all the way from Illinios to South Dakota because he wanted to be with her. The funny thing is, is that she is with another guy..Im sure that she loves him too but its not the same as the love that she felt for this other guy, She talked to him every night for hours and hours on end and this went on all the way till we where graduated. it was really a special relationship that she had with him. Still does i should say.

Well after we started hanging out with the guy from the halloween dance, we became best friends with him. He was with us always and we where always trying to do something together so that no one was left out. Eventually my feelings for this guy got very very strong and i didnt know how to handle it. I talked to my best friend about it all the time. She would tell me just tell him how you feel. I couldnt. I meet another guy and we hit it off.I dated him for over a year, I felt guilt and regret because in my heart i knew that i loved my bf but couldnt shake the feeling of this other guy that i knew i was so deeply in love with. I eventually broke it off with my bf after 13 months of being together. He wasnt the one for me. I knew who i was in love with and needed to let him know. I wrote it to him in a email. It was the longest heart felt love letter i have ever writtin and all he did was open it see how long it was and deleted it. I was heartbroken. I never spoke about the way i felt about him agian.

My Best friend knew that i was devestated only because i had broken up with a great guy to tell someone else how i felt. IT was wrong of me and i knew it. I hated how bad i felt. But i moved on. My best friend was there the whole time telling me hey its going to be okay and your going to get passed this. I thought so too. I thought that i was going to move on and not have to worry about him anymore. I was seriously wrong. My best friend and me did everything we could think of in High School. We even tried to get in the same classes sometimes. It was fun. We would pretend that we had to study in the library but we where really just jacking around. we would pretend like we had to be together to do homework the next day we would oversleep get to school late and magically our homework wasnt done. We had our ups and downs. but never any that would jeperadize our friendship!

When i was a Junior I had gotten Meningitis. It was bad and she was there to help me threw it. I was in the Hospital and just really sick and she was there. She made it there in a blizzard to see if i was going to make it or not. she stayed with me as much as she could. But she couldnt be there every minute. I missed her.

After that i swore that i wasnt going to fight about anything or with anyone. you never know what your life will be like and what could happen.

**SENIOR YEAR**

Graduation and Prom and football games. Just stuff that your suppose to be excited about. we where. we where planning our futures around each other. If someone went we where going to follow. Things dont always seem so cut and dry when it really comes down to it. She had found another person that was better then me. Or it seemed in my eyes that way. I didnt feel the same about our friendship and it was putting a dark strain on it.
I was trying so hard to not get mad and let her know that i was hurting and needed MY friend back. But she was on her own and she wanted to do what she wanted to. I let her. we still did things together and we tryed to hang out just us but when theres more then just us in the "group" it was hard. We pretty much didnt do much alone anymore.
It was fun the more the marrier i would think to myself. But i knew in my heart that she had found a new best friend and it broke my heart. I became better friends with another girl and we started to hang out more. I Wasnt going to let the fact that she has other friends get to me. I did everything i could to let her know hey i am still here and i love you! I just wanted things to be the same. But we changed and we had oviously grew apart. It was okay.

Until one day when i relized that all i had to do was oopen my eyes and see that she was not just my best friend but she was more then that she was my sister. so no matter who she considered to be her best friend she considered me as her sister. I figured this out to myself the day that we where standing in the High school bathroom with our caps and gowns on. She looked over at me and said "hey I love you and your so much more then my best friend and you always will be" Im glad that we are finally graduationg and we are still best friends! I held back from sobbing in tears. We didnt know what was going to happen after that day. After the one place that we had to see each other everyday, what where we going to do. That was the best part of us not knowing. all we had was time.

*There will be a rainbow*

Im back...Thought that i would update you on whats going on...My ex called me to tell me that his aunt who is a laywer is going to take care of the whole thing for us. So i will not have to worry about anything all i will have to do is sign. Of course i will have someone look them over so that i dont get screwed!! i really couldnt sleep last ngiht, layed there thinking to myself of all the work i was going to have to go do in out house.

The hose that we had alot of good times in..Like brining our baby boy home for the first time. yea that was a great day but then when i think about it he never really wanted to help me with that. I was overwhelmed with have a 2 year old and a newborn and he kept telling me that i was going to have to just deal with it. So he turned something so wonderful into something very miserable.

I never did understand nor will i ever about men that think that sitting in a bar "RELAXIN" when they have =kids at home whats the point...I mean i guess i never got to do that. I never got to go anywhere without him. If he wasnt happy no one was.

My daughter is one of the most important things in my life,. As my son is too...I love them both so much that i figured that it was time that i get out of there so that i dont have to worry about them anymore, I dont want them to grow up and think to themselves hey my mom and dad fight all the time thats how all of our relationships shoudl be. I want my son to grow up into a charming young man! and i want gracee to be treated like a princess that she is. All the thoughtfull things that i have heard in the last few days makes me know that i am going to be okay! I know that its tough and i will make it threw this rainstorm and there is a rainbow waiting for me.

Offically Done

I just wanted to say that i have never done this other than on myspace..but now i am going to just let it all out. My causins GF who is very sweet showed me to this website and let me know that it is okay to be happy.

I recently decided that it was time for me to become my own person agian, I dont know who i am or what i am like with out a man. I have been married for over a little then 2 years. Yes i know what your thinking only 2 years and already going to get divorced. When you know that your with someone who you are beginning to hate you cant help but want to move on and get out.

I am 24, working my butt off to support my 2 amazing kids. I never thought that i would be able to be a single mom. Until recently. Im always alone with my kids. My ex only thinks about himself and what he can do to make his life better. Talks down to me like I am a ignorant child. I do not have a very long temeper fuse..I would lose my temper when he would treat me like that. My children mean far to much for me to make them see that stuff. I have family and friends that will always ask me..Why are you with him??? you can do so much better.

I would sit and think to myself why would i want to leave him when i love him well the whole time ive been lieing to myslef. I love that someoene is there and i am not alone. I know know that i was alone for a good portion of my marriage. I lost my best friend that i ever had while i was married and all i ever wanted to do was talk to her. She had been my friend since we where in the 4th grade. she knew when something wasnt right and she would tell me that i needed to get out. and yet i didnt listen and lost her as a friend. It eventually came to that all i needed to do was just call her and tell her how i felt and everything would be okay.

I know that in my life there are alwyas going to be guys that hurt you. but i never thought that i would marry the first guy that i thought that i was totally and completey head over heals for. Yes we had our very very good times then we had are not so good times. and after a while there was more and more not so good times. I just needed a way to become myself agian. and i fianlly took a stand for my life and my kids life!!!

I have many supportive ppl in my life and all i want is to be happy!

O yeah and thanks mel!!!! your the best!